"When is this going to feel easy?" I asked.

If you have a lot of room for improvement, then it's a lot easier to find little milestones in your training. For the last ten years, I've been stuck at the same paces: a 7:00 mile was all out racing, a 7:30 mile was pretty intense, and an 8:00 mile was moderately difficult. I was also stuck at an inconsistent 10-15 miles per week, and sometimes there would be weeks I wouldn't even run. Notice the emphasis on was?

My fitness streak continues into February. I finished out the month averaging 25 miles a week and started to notice some minor progress. This past week, I did two little workouts. The first one was 5 miles on the treadmill, with the 2nd and 4th mile incorporating an incline build up to 5% while maintaining a pace that felt a little challenging but hardily taxing. A relaxed, efficient pace. The screen was broken so I wasn't sure how fast this pace was until I finished the workout. 8:34 was the final result and that shocked me because in the past 8:34 would have been a little bit tougher, especially on the treadmill. And never mind using the incline back then.

The other workout was a mini tempo run, one that I've been doing the last three weekends to compliment my long run. On the most recent mini tempo, I warmed up with a mile and then went to 7:47 pace during the second mile and back to an easy recovery jog on the third. I was shocked at how easy 7:47 felt. Yes, I could've just been having a really good day. But my breathing felt effortless and I felt as if I could carry this pace for a longer distance. A few months ago, I struggled just to stay on the treadmill at that pace! It was in this workout that I could finally see beyond what I knew and felt in the past. It finally felt easy.

I am very happy with how the month of January went running wise. Biofeedback has helped me to recognize progress on a whole different level as I feel very in tune with my body while it undergoes some major changes. Towards the end of the month, I started to wear my racing flats and notice less foot pain and a better stride. As a result, I finally used my Nike gift cards from months ago to buy a pair of Nike Frees, which weigh one ounce more than my racers. February will not only include a new pair of shoes but a 5 mile increase in mileage per week. Sometimes I get impatient and just want to be fast already and race. But for the most part, it's more fun to see all these little improvements each and every day because one day, the room for improvement will only get smaller.

An interesting turn of events

The last time I ran today's route, I was limping back to my car in pain for the last 3 miles. After that, I couldn't run for a month or two and struggled for another six months to heal. I thought today would be a fitting day to try that route again. Despite being chilly outside and feeling a little tired, I was able to run that route again, pain-free. The bright sun and snow covered fields of the Cuyahoga Valley provided me with nice scenery and a chance to ponder on a new development in my life.

Yesterday, I found out that I have hypothyroidism. When I began counseling a few years ago, I was told to get my thyroid checked to rule out a thyroid disorder causing panic attacks. I didn't listen for two reasons: fear and no insurance. Lately, though, I had begun to wonder if my thyroid was to blame for a lot of things: sweaty hands, anxiety, hands always falling asleep, yeast problems, and very dry or itchy skin. So, I finally got the courage on Tuesday to ask the clinic at Akron if they offered the test. Low and behold they did. And it was very cheap without insurance ($11).

On Thursday, I met with the doctor. I told him my symptoms and the fact that my aunt on my mother's side has hypothyroidism. I was thinking my symptoms were more hyperthyroid-related. The doctor, on the other hand, was looking at me like I was crazy. I was too young and not heavy or tiny enough for this problem. When I told him it was recommended I get my thyroid checked, he agreed to it. I'm sure if I didn't tell him that, he would've went on without it, ordered the cliche anemia test (which he also did) and wrote down that I was a hypochondriac, and not hyper or hypothyroid.

Part of me was hoping that the results would come back as hyperthyroid so as to finally find an explanation for my anxiety and very hyper sweat glands. I was shocked when they called me back to tell me that I was, in fact, the opposite. Typically, symptoms of hypothyroidism include always being tired, cold, and gaining weight. The only one I could correlate to my life was being tired. And that was a stretch because I attributed my constant tiredness to running, work/school, and just having an inconsistent sleep schedule. After the news, I headed to my computer, like a good hypochondriac would, and started putting into various search engines my recurrent symptoms with hypothyroidism. And this is what I found:

• Studies have found correlations with anxiety and hypothyroidism. The thyroid is the largest gland in the body. If it's out of whack, the gland sometimes works extra hard to produce the lacking thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH). When it's working hard and not successful, the body can feel out of whack, dizzy per se, and this can cause one to feel anxious.
• Studies have found correlations with yeast infections and hypothyroidism. Not to get too intimate, ok, I'm getting very intimate, but only for the sake of prevention, I've had problems with yeast for about a year. The doctors constantly told me, make sure you change out of your running clothes right away! Not once did they think it could be thyroid related.
• It is common for hypothyroidism to be genetic. I knew my maternal history of this disorder. But when I was diagnosed, I thought it might be a good idea to learn about my paternal side. Surprisingly, I learned that my dad and my grandmother have it. We will now all be on the same medication. I found this fascinating! And after searching letsrun.com boards, I learned that Galen Rupp and Bob Kennedy have hypothyroidism. We're not related, though.
• I found another surprising correlation: one between plantar fascitiis and hypothyroidism! Several international studies indicated that low thyroid levels can cause deposits within the connective tissue, making the healing process more difficult. While my heal is feeling a lot better there are still some rough days if I am not careful. It should be interesting to see if the medicine will help with healing.
• Lastly, I found that hypothyroidism is very common yet often overlooked and misdiagnosed. If it is so common (1 in 100 people, 3 in 100 women) then why isn't the relatively cheap test not ordered as often when a patient comes in with reoccurring symptoms? If someone can answer that, please do, as I am still learning.

The next step involves meeting with my doctor on Monday to go over the condition and to discuss and prescribe medication. Unfortunately, it will take about a year to find the right level of TSH to take and that will involve blood work every six weeks. I am looking forward to seeing how this hormone replacement will effect and hopefully improve my body. I used to be more environmentally based in my views on medical conditions, but this new turn of events has taught me to not discount biology. And so begins the arduous journey of leveling out my hormones.

16 day streak and counting

I've started the year off right: healthy, consistent, and positive. I've managed to get my foot pain under control by making sure to wear The Sock, well, a generic The Sock, at night. I also have a 16 day fitness streak going: 14 days running, 2 days swimming. Getting a streak going is addictive and starting it on the 1st day of year only adds to the temptation to want to continue with it for all of 2011. I am very grateful to have been able to remain consistent with my mileage during the last six weeks, averaging around 25 miles a week. This is the longest I've held such mileage on a weekly basis. I attribute this small step in the right direction to remaining positive and constantly visualizing my long term goals on every run. My schedule this semester is pretty accommodating (so far) to training. If it stays that way and I continue to slowly build, I am anticipating a lot of improvement with my running this year.

Just another year in review for just another training blog

In 2010...

• I learned that it's better to take running day by day and to not plan too far in advance. For others, this may not work, but for me, it's definitely a better approach to take. After my first 5k back in years, I got all excited and mapped out my next two years of running. I'm already off the plan. I'd rather have some ideas constantly floating around in my head to work with and imagine and then make a final decision closer to the event's time. This also leaves more flexibility for mishaps such as injury. For 2011, I have quite a few different ideas up there :)

• I learned that I'm not fast because I haven't been able to build miles consistently (yet) and because I have a lower tolerance for pain. December was a pretty consistent month though (20-25 miles a week, easy, and pain free). I hope to carry this into 2011 and continue to build.

• Likewise, I learned how to tolerate a lot more pain this year through the use of Biofeedback. Yesterday I ran a New Year's eve 5k and while the results were nothing spectacular (23:08) I did try to push as hard as I could. The first two miles were well on PR pace and I'm not even in shape! However, the last mile resulted in a side cramp. There are many types of pain a runner can experience when going fast: Fatigue, breathing fast, leg cramps, side stitches, etc. I mainly focused on pushing through fatigue this year. With yesterday's experience, I can now add trying to push through a side stitch the next time I race.

• I learned to view any races that I do right now as training runs, that way expectations aren't as high, every race is a learning experience, and growth is inevitable.

and...

• I learned how to work through an injury, which still often lingers. With my foot, I learned that a lot of its problems are biomechanical and so I must try to transfer some of my Biofeedback techniques to analyzing my running form and making minor adjustments each time.

Happy New Year!

Winter running woes

I've always had a love-hate relationship with running during winter. Some days, there will be runs on fresh coats of snow, no wind, and if you're lucky, the sun is out. It's one of those pretty runs. Other days, there will be runs that also have a fresh coat of snow, snow that your shoes get constantly stuck in, along with wind in the face, and no sun. Last winter, I did a lot of running at night and dreaded it. This year, I've tried to mentally prepare myself for the crappiest of runs every time I head out the door. I know it's going to be cold, probably windy, and depressing (at first). With that mind set, it's a lot easier to run in the winter (so far). So when things that usually bother me aren't so much, it only makes sense for other challenges to arise, like today.

I headed out for a seven mile run that would start at my old apartment and take me out to my soon to be new place of residence, a blue carriage house in Akron's Highland Square. I would stop there and check on things and then head back to my old apartment, running a slightly different route back. Despite lots of wind on the way back, it went by fast and was an energizing run. When I was done, I went to the mailbox. My right thumb was cold and was struggling to turn the key to open the box. I started to freak, just a little, thinking I had frostbite. Eventually the key turned but when I got up to gather the mail, the mailbox key and my apartment key fell off one of the packages, disappearing into the snow. I searched for about five minutes until it got dark and more panic set in. I then felt the urgency to get somewhere warm. The only thing I could think of was running some 600 meters back down the hill to CVS. Luckily, I had my phone on me. Before the run I had thought it was a good idea to take it with me...

I dialed nearby friends to try and "rescue" me but what we really ended up doing was figuring out the number to my apartment complex. I would have to cave in and get charged a fee to open my door. Unfortunately that meant I had to go back outside and run or walk up that darn hill, with wet clothes and lips that now had a purple hue. With the "this is going to suck" attitude, I braved the cold once more and then remembered that I could stay warm (and wait the twenty minutes for maintenance) in the laundry room. The run/walk back wasn't so bad and three dryers were running, keeping the room extra toasty. Maintenance finally arrived and I also realized I had the original key at the apartment, so I was not charged a fee. Now an hour or so after my hour or so run, I was home. Still cold, shivering, and a little shaken. A hot shower and soup never felt so good.

The vacation that was Peru

The day before it was time to go back home, I was ready. I was ready to get back to Ohio and finish out the fall semester. I was ready to leave a country whose language I could hardily speak. When it finally happened, and I did my presentations and handed in papers, I was ready to go back to that country. I found myself missing the pace of life, its inhabitants who would greet you on the street asking to buy a massage or a picture with a Llama. I missed not having a car and walking the streets or riding with an unpredictable and erratic taxi driver. To me, though adventurous and busy, this vacation was an escape from my American reality. And that's what I missed the most.

The trip turned out to be more challenging than I thought, which was a good thing as it put me in my place as far as progress. One thing I've learned is that next time I should go into things blind and learn as I go because expectations of success or failure leave you fooled. Before the trip, I heavily researched altitude sickness in an effort to be fully prepared for its symptoms. The only thing that did was cause me to constantly look for its symptoms upon arrival. Thus, after the first day there, I over analyzed every step and breath taken. It was hard to relax.

Staying at altitude was a valuable experience on the fitness end of things. Yes, it did increase my anxiety during the first few days, making the source of nausea seem indistinguishable. And as scary as that was, I found it fascinating to be out of breath after combing my hair, sitting up in bed, or slowly walking up a few stairs. Now, whenever I run, I imagine that breathless feeling from such minimal activities and to not feel that breathless when I run makes me feel in amazing shape. I hope that when I begin speed work that this awareness can still apply.

Another experience that stood out for me, and one in which I can apply to both running and adversity, was hiking the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. This was an instance where I did go into something blind. I had no idea that the section of the trail we hiked was only some three feet wide. This brought out a latent fear of heights. But even more challenging was going into the hike feeling slightly hungry, tired from a 3:30am wake up call, and carrying about 20lbs on my back, not to mention altitude, although it was lower here. I honestly felt as if the effort I was putting in was comparable to when I jogged a marathon, and not necessarily from the physical demands but rather, the mental demands. In all, it was about a total of four hours hiking. And with all the variables that could make my mind think negative, I survived and felt a sense of achievement.

The next day, we also hiked another mountain, Huayna Picchu, which overlooks the ruins of Machu Picchu. I was excited for this hike and felt fully capable after the previous day's success. However, this trail was more difficult and all up hill. My friend Emily and I were carrying a good pace but once we reached the top, not only was the fog still there (preventing us from seeing an amazing view) but I also noticed my hands swelling up. This freaked me out, not enough for a full on panic attack but enough to want to get the F outta there. The only problem was that it was just as dangerous going down as it was going up. Focusing on my breathing and taking careful steps, I calmed down and so did my hands, giving me another experience to draw on and take back with me, especially in those times when I get into "baby" mode.

Looking happy, with Emily, almost to the top

Just a glimpse of the minimalist trail

At the top, pissed off, crabby, swollen, want to get down.

I think that look is at James!

In all, the biggest lesson learned from the entire trip is that if I'm still breathing and conscious, I'm alive. You're probably thinking, "duh", but for someone like me, it was a huge wake up call. You see, I always assume the worst is going to happen, quite a common symptom of generalized anxiety. This trip was my first international travel experience and it included altitude, lots of transportation, and was two weeks long. James had to remind me of these out of character challenges quite often when I would get negative and irritable. Since being back, however, I've noticed more mental strength, even if I have to remind myself of it at times. There was a bit of a struggle to get back into a routine when I got back but it was helpful to let my body rest and control what it wanted to do, which was sleep and use the bathroom, a lot.

Generally speaking, I still think it is fascinating that you can be in a major city one moment and in an hour, be in another via the airplane. Traveling reminds me that there are so many different ways to live life. Our emotions may all be the same but the experiences, different. I look forward to seeing and living more of these experiences.

Owning the body

It's wonderful to not feel rushed. Much of my anxiety stems from the feeling of being rushed- whether it's with deadlines, urgency to find employment, arriving on time to an appointment or class, or feeling prepared enough to race. I think the fast paced nature of our American culture makes it easy to feel rushed, and subsequently neurotic.

Lately, though, I haven't felt as such (for the majority of the day's hours). I attribute this awesome feeling to a change in my mindset. Throughout this year, I've grown quite a bit, which can be due to a lot of things: counseling, Biofeedback, a supportive boyfriend and family, and constantly learning new theories and techniques in my program in which I look to see how and if they fit into my own understanding of my self.

When things start to stress me out, I must remind myself to first chill out, take a few deep breaths and just let the discomfort pass through my body. Next, I must search for the confidence in myself that seems to float away during such moments. Once obtained, I proceed forward with it, doing what was intended, even if scared by such things (i.e. giving a speech, speaking my opinion, or trying to run fast). Lastly, I must continually remind myself that things don't need to be done in a stereotypical fashion. I have the power to choose my routes in life: There is no official requirement to work a 9-5, to be married, to have kids, or to own a house. I'm starting to get comfortable living how I want to live without worrying how it appears to others. It helps to have a boyfriend like James in this case :)

How does all of this pertain to running? Well, with not feeling rushed lately, my running has been amazing. I've logged up to 25 pain-free miles each week during the last four weeks, with strides, foot drills, and lifting. Never have I felt this strong! I'm running these miles based off of feeling and with no racing expectations in the near future. The goal is to continue to build, without any injury. Applying this to my theory above, I am focusing on feeling comfortable during each run, having confidence in my foot's new strength, and my ability to build miles, and lastly, not running for anyone else but myself-- no time to brag about, no race to run because everyone is doing it, nada. Doing all of this, combined with my Biofeedback work mentioned above, I feel the most in tune with my body than I have ever felt. This is going to come in handy next week when we land in Cusco, Peru, which is located some 11,000 feet above sea level.

Staying at altitude for about 10 days, I do not plan on working out much. We will have a stretch of two days where we will be at lower altitude and will be hiking during the day. On the other days, I plan to just take it easy, trying to breathe as best as I can, without freaking out at the changes my body will experience. I believe this trip will not only help my fitness but it will in turn, help me progress even further in my ability to handle anxiety.