Owning the body

It's wonderful to not feel rushed. Much of my anxiety stems from the feeling of being rushed- whether it's with deadlines, urgency to find employment, arriving on time to an appointment or class, or feeling prepared enough to race. I think the fast paced nature of our American culture makes it easy to feel rushed, and subsequently neurotic.

Lately, though, I haven't felt as such (for the majority of the day's hours). I attribute this awesome feeling to a change in my mindset. Throughout this year, I've grown quite a bit, which can be due to a lot of things: counseling, Biofeedback, a supportive boyfriend and family, and constantly learning new theories and techniques in my program in which I look to see how and if they fit into my own understanding of my self.

When things start to stress me out, I must remind myself to first chill out, take a few deep breaths and just let the discomfort pass through my body. Next, I must search for the confidence in myself that seems to float away during such moments. Once obtained, I proceed forward with it, doing what was intended, even if scared by such things (i.e. giving a speech, speaking my opinion, or trying to run fast). Lastly, I must continually remind myself that things don't need to be done in a stereotypical fashion. I have the power to choose my routes in life: There is no official requirement to work a 9-5, to be married, to have kids, or to own a house. I'm starting to get comfortable living how I want to live without worrying how it appears to others. It helps to have a boyfriend like James in this case :)

How does all of this pertain to running? Well, with not feeling rushed lately, my running has been amazing. I've logged up to 25 pain-free miles each week during the last four weeks, with strides, foot drills, and lifting. Never have I felt this strong! I'm running these miles based off of feeling and with no racing expectations in the near future. The goal is to continue to build, without any injury. Applying this to my theory above, I am focusing on feeling comfortable during each run, having confidence in my foot's new strength, and my ability to build miles, and lastly, not running for anyone else but myself-- no time to brag about, no race to run because everyone is doing it, nada. Doing all of this, combined with my Biofeedback work mentioned above, I feel the most in tune with my body than I have ever felt. This is going to come in handy next week when we land in Cusco, Peru, which is located some 11,000 feet above sea level.

Staying at altitude for about 10 days, I do not plan on working out much. We will have a stretch of two days where we will be at lower altitude and will be hiking during the day. On the other days, I plan to just take it easy, trying to breathe as best as I can, without freaking out at the changes my body will experience. I believe this trip will not only help my fitness but it will in turn, help me progress even further in my ability to handle anxiety.

Healed.

I want to run for hours on end, a steady pace.

It's almost time to go, I feel it leaving.

A dark storm for the last seven months.

But it's having me feel so much stronger,

Than I've ever felt before.

30 minutes is not enough.

60 minutes feels like 15.

I failed before.

My strength, not strong enough.

Not this time.

It's leaving...

And in it's place, a newfound spirit.

Knowledge.

Drive.

A new mind.

I'm gonna do it.

Weekly total: 20.3 miles running, 1500 yards swimming

Under the half moon

It's midnight, on a Saturday.

Pitch black sky, but the moon is bright.

Somehow we made it out tonight.

Running.

It's actually kind of stupid when you think about it.

The simple act of moving our legs forward, swiftly.

We try to go faster each time.

But for what reason?

Three hills are on this route.

But we don't feel a darn thing.

The body, it's just going through the motions.

Where's the euphoria when you're done?

We've felt it before, but not on this one.

We don't have to have a reason, tonight.

Weekly Total: 15 miles running, 3750 yards swimming

The road includes more than just running

If you're reading this, you're probably sick of hearing about the healing foot. Try having the damn thing. The road to Boston, like progress, isn't linear. And it includes a few detours. The current detour has lasted about six months. Not only am I sick of having it, I'm sick of talking about its progress. And that's just it, it's making progress, even if it's slow. So, to keep you, lonely reader, which is mostly myself and sometimes James or my Mom, entertained, I've decided to twist this blog around to include the many paths and adventures traveled on my way to Boston someday. There's the injured path, the training path, and the life path, which includes school, work, and everything else.

Paths traveled this week:

Injury: Making progress.

Training: Traveled 12.8 miles this past week on foot and 3100 yards in water. It was a light week and even included a day off on Saturday. Running felt good, even tried waking up my fast twitch fibers on Thursday, only to have them want to remain slow twitch, but that bodes well for any marathon training. Since taking it down a notch and increasing cross training, I have felt stronger and in shape on all runs. Interesting. I also had a nice trail run on Wednesday morning. I love living close to six or so different trails...close enough to not have to drive.

Life: Had a midterm for a class that I freaked out about but there was no need to do so. In doing so, I realized that I tend to exhibit test anxiety with anger, withdrawal, and procrastination. This is good to know for the future, indeed. Work wise, the cross country team headed to the Legends Meet on Saturday. It was a great tune up for our upcoming "playoff" season.

Speaking of anxiety, you know how they tell you to go to a place that makes you happy when you become stressed or anxious? They usually suggest you imagine a beach scene. Well, the beach never quite worked for me. And I've struggled for so long with finding that comforting place. Until this past week. As odd as it sounds, my comfort place is a hospital bed! Whenever I get worked up (ala panic inducing feelings) I lay myself down and imagine I am in the hospital- in the care of others who will ensure that nothing bad is going to happen. Maybe I took so long to find this place in my head because I was afraid to let my mind explore the odd. Moral of the story? Next time you find yourself seeking "expert" advice, don't be afraid to think outside the box. Much of what is "expert" is merely a researched opinion. The difficult answers lie in you anyway.

Lastly, some of my heightened anxiety this week was probably attributed to, well, yes, being a female, ahem, but add to that, making the decision to embark on foreign travel. Yes, the road to Boston stops in Peru between November 17th and November 30th. James and I, along with his travel buddies, will be adventuring the Andes of Peru, including Lima, Cusco, and Machu Picchu. This leaves me overly excited and yeah, a little nervous. Last year, I told myself that I should embark on an "adventure" each year that puts various fears to the test. My 2 day trip to Miami, FL to meet this guy I met online was last year's adventure. Peru, and all of its glory, will be this year's. Habla Espanol?

This past week...

Monday: 3.4 miles

Trail run at Hampton Hills (8:48 pace)

Tuesday: 1650 yard swim

4 x 150 yard repeats (70 seconds rest in between each)- 2:34, 2:34, 2:38, 2:38 (last two with resistance from whirlpool)

Wednesday: 3 miles easy with 6 x 25 meter strides

Thursday: 1 mile easy with team, 1250 yard swim

5 x 50 yard swim repeats (30 seconds rest in between each)- 42, 44, 44, 44, 44 (HUGE improvement!)

Friday: 3 miles treadmill

Saturday: 17 mile bike ride through the rain and mud

Sunday: 2150 yard swim

34:13 for 1600 meters

TOTAL: 10.4 miles running, 17 miles biking, 2.8 miles swimming

Weekly Recap (X-Train week)

Monday: 3 miles easy

Team run. Wore inserts and took it slow. Pain free during run. Dealing with some pain afterwards.

Tuesday: 30 minute swim (1250 yards)

Wednesday: 40 minute swim (1600 yards), 20 minute aqua jog

Thursday: 30 minute swim (1250 yards)

Friday: 1 mile run with team, then pool workout- 12 lap warm-up, 10 x 50 sprint simulations, 12 lap cool down (1700 yards)

It's a lot harder to get faster in the pool than it is to get faster on land, at least for me. I definitely improved on my sprints (used to do these in about 58-60 seconds, now averaging 53 seconds). Those are still slow times, about a 30 minute per mile pace, which is the average time it takes for a swimmer to swim a mile and this felt nearly all-out. But for me it's nice to see my extra time spent in the pool pay off. I'm glad I found a cross training activity that challenges me just as much as running and makes me feel like I worked hard at the end of the day.

Saturday: 2 miles

My biggest accomplishment this week was a short 2 mile run at midnight on a golf course. It was an accomplishment because it was late at night, cold, I was on my foot all day, and I was dreading it. The last couple of runs with such a scenario have turned out terrible but on this night, it went well and I was glad I was able to overcome the variables and be PAIN FREE! This will hopefully be good practice for winter training.

Sunday: 1600 meter swim

New pool PR! 34:49, nearly six minutes off my previous best. Still slow but working my way up to the average miler swimmer. I didn't go all out. Rather I started off with a breast stroke lap then did 4 freestyle laps emphasizing kicking hard and then continued with one breast stroke lap as a recovery then repeated the 4 laps of freestyle for a total of 33 laps. It felt like a quality workout.

TOTAL: 6 miles running, 4.2 miles swimming

Emphasized cross training this week to let all the scar tissue heal on the heel. Foot hasn't felt this good since January as a result. The next few weeks will continue to be lower running mileage and higher cross training output.

Progress isn't linear

I raced another 5k on Sunday, September 19th in Cuyahoga Falls. The course was advertised as fast and flat but in actuality it was slow and rolling. However, that made for a great training effort (22:44). The effort felt a lot harder than the previous 5ks but it could be because I didn't warm up as early or as long as I am used to and I didn't get much sleep the last two nights. Or, it just wasn't my time that day. Or the obvious, it was a slower course. I can try to analyze what went wrong all I want but I'd rather focus on the positives, not only in the race but with the progress made in the last year:

Race-wise positives:

• 6:56 first mile
• Felt like I was pushing myself the entire time
• A female passed me around 2.5 miles but I battled back and got her at the finish line
• Won my age group
• Foot hurt afterwards but nothing tore

Other positives:

• Took some time off after that race and foot has been feeling better than ever
• Not in tip-top shape and yet I'm running at my previous PR times
• 1.5 minutes faster than last year

My man friend has told me that progress isn't linear, a couple times actually. But after this weekend it finally stuck. I'm not going to get from point A to point B to point C in a straight line (i.e. improve each race). Rather, the process is going to cycle, with some ups and downs, dips, highs and lows. Each time however, I will learn something new and keep making contributions to my fitness.