New (out)look.

I've renamed this blog because it focused on one goal. And once that goal was to be achieved, what would happen next? This type of focus is very linear. Set goal, work on goal, achieve goal. Such a focus hurt my running. I felt pressured to train for and run a qualifying Boston time before I finished my Masters degree because once I had to go back to work, it would be impossible to do so. Thinking this way meant that after graduation, running would not be a big part of my life. Yet, you live and you learn.

Over the last couple of months, I felt freed by my expectations when giving my body an unlimited amount of time to train for somewhat lofty and time consuming goals. Running has now become a part of my life everyday, similar to brushing my teeth or showering. I have a ton of goals, most of which involve faster times. But at the same time, I want to be able to balance these goals with other areas of my life, such as my future career as a therapist. I still want to qualify for the Boston Marathon, but I'm in no rush to do so, especially given that I am injury prone when running higher mileage. For me, every run is a step towards improvement. I want to get faster because it is fun to challenge the limits of my body. With this new focus, I know that I'm headed in the right direction.

Food, love, nature, and running.

In between laundry loads yesterday, I had the thought that the things I need to survive and then live happily are food, love, nature, and running. Of course, food, clothing, and shelter are the basic needs. If those aren't met, it makes higher needs, such as love, more difficult. Lately, I've been rethinking my food intake. After visiting with friends in Maryland who eat very naturally, I looked at how unnatural my food intake has been. I never paid attention to food labels because I assumed I was healthy. I weighed normal, exercised, and ate nearly the same foods every day. I avoided pop, candy, and other sweets unless it was a special occasion. But after the Maryland trip and late night research on the internet, I realized I could be doing a lot better.

I experimented a few weeks later by shopping at EarthFare, a natural foods supermarket. This experiment was not only a test of eating organic and natural, but a financial test. And in my life right now, I wouldn't be able to afford such a food bill on a weekly basis. However, I knew that once I started drinking whole milk, organic veggies, and products free of high fructose corn syrup, I would have a hard time not converting. So, I found a way to get creative with my food and my money.

I used to have one PowerBar a day for about the last two years. I thought I was being healthy with these bars until I read the ingredients. High fructose corn syrup was an active ingredient. If I could cut these bars out, I would not only free up $30 a month but I could find something healthier to replace the bars with in my diet. The later part of the equation was much harder because I do love the taste of these bars and find them to be a great snack food. For my replacement experiment this week, I am making my own "bars"- two large graham crackers with organic jelly and peanut butter (enhanced with omega 3s). So far, I've found these homemade bars to be tasty and filling.

As previously mentioned, if I want to eat more naturally, I have to do so in a way that is cost efficient for me. So this past week, I shopped at Aldi and EarthFare. At Aldi, I bought my cereals because they have generic brands of Kashi. I also bought lunch meats, bread, some veggies, and frozen fruits. At EarthFare, I bought more of the basics- milk, eggs, other veggies, orange juice, dried fruit, and coconut milk for my (decaf) coffee creamer. Together, I spent roughly the same that I would at Aldi, but with more conscious food choices. It helps to price shop and then guestimate the total bill before going. This route is a little more time consuming, but it helps that the two stores are close to each other. I haven't noticed any significant physical differences as a result of integrating more natural food choices into my diet. However, I feel better mentally by doing so. I feel simpler, as if going back to the basics of living.

As for my running, it's been going very well. I've put in four weeks of consistent training and will be testing my fitness this Monday at the Aurora Fun Run. The last two weeks were especially well executed. I improved my tempo run paces and even had negative splits on the Fun Run course this past Tuesday! That was a first for me. My track workouts have also been going well, despite being achy. Last night, I ran 8 x 400, averaging 97 seconds. This was a huge improvement from three weeks ago, where I struggled to remain even and averaged 1:40. My long runs have been enjoyable and around 8:45 pace. It's starting to feel comfortable and efficient to go fast. And my times are still not even that fast! It's an enjoyable process for sure.

Summer running progress and becoming a counselor...

The month of June has been going well. In the last three weeks, I have been able to do tempo and interval work twice a week and a long run on the weekends. For the first two weeks, I went off feel and kept the repeats low (4 x 400, 4 x 800). My tempos ranged from 2-3 miles. Today I did 8 x 400, which was quite the increase for me. I started off repeating 96s for the first three but struggled after that (1:40s). In doing so, I learned that I have some speed but still lack in endurance. This was encouraging, however, because I know I am making progress with every workout attempt. It may take longer than I expected to get to the next level, but I am so grateful to be healthy enough to run consistently again. I'm averaging roughly 27 miles a week.

In related news, I began my counseling career last month and saw some parallels with my career and running. When I started my practicum experience, I thought that three years worth of classes would prepare me to be the best counselor. I expected myself to know it all and what to do in any situation. Little did I know that I knew squat when it came to being a counselor. In fact, it is expected for me to be clueless, frustrated, and nervous. Such feelings are part of the process and growth to becoming a professional counselor someday. Like running, I'm not going to know everything there is to know over night. Nor am I going to be the fastest I can be overnight. Both activities are a process. Realizing this a month in to my career, I feel more at ease. And similarly, a new sense of confidence in that I trust in the process of growth. As a counselor, my growth is just beginning. And as a runner, I'm slowly approaching a new level. Together, I must realize they both take time to master. And that there's nothing wrong with that.

Ouch!

The 2011 Cleveland Half Marathon was the most painful run I've ever done- during and now after! I have to laugh at myself as I yelp in pain upon sitting. It's especially painful to sit down and get back up from my toilet because it's so low. I'm definitely in this much pain because of the 2 week running (4 week long run) break. Six miles in, I was right on pace for my goal time (low 1:40s). But at six and half, my legs turned to stone. No matter what I did, they just wouldn't go any faster. And for the next 6.5 miles, I continued to slowly fade. I pondered dropping out but my ankle and shin weren't that painful enough to stop and hunt down a medic. I'd be more embarrassed of any medical attention. Nor did I see any if I wanted to be transported back to the finish line. So I just kept trotting along and each mile the pain in my muscles got worse. With less than 800 meters to go, I saw James and that lifted my spirits a little. All I could do was laugh. What was I thinking?

In all, I got a nice training run in, 1:47:58 (8:15 pace). And I made it out of there without a worse injury. It was interesting to push through pain for the last 6 miles. While I was going slow, I didn't throw the towel in when I had a ton of chances to. I'll take that lesson from this experience. Critiquing the event, I hated the course. It was very boring and crowd support was dull. However, my sour mood might have been due to my expo experience the day prior to the race. I basically paid $70 for a shirt too big because they ran out of the size I ordered. I also left goody bag-less because they ran out. It was poorly organized. I don't see myself doing this race again.

I do see myself recovering this week, a mix of rest and cross training, and then slowly building back up to 30-35 miles a week, focusing more on speed and shorter distances. I thought I might be ready to race a marathon this fall, but plans fell through again. I'm not too down because I know I will get there eventually. If I go back to the basics and learn how to run faster at the shorter stuff, I think it will make training for the longer stuff easier. The main goal continues to be patience.

Epic PR or epic DNF? My race goals for the Cleveland Half Marathon on May 15th

I am doing everything in my power to hold back from running right now! And why is there such a big need to NOT run? I'm not exactly sure. It's more of a gut feeling type of thing I guess. Eleven days ago I vowed to myself that I would take two weeks off from running in an effort to rid whatever was going on near my lower shin and ankle area. The first week went by fast and featured lots of cross training, 60-90 minutes at a time as well as one day off. This second week has seemed to drag. It might be due to the fact that the Cleveland Half Marathon is nearing as well as the opportunity to try running again.

I've tested running a handful of times (a 25 meter jog down the side walk and a run up my stairs) without any pain. All that those little experiments have done is make me incredibly excited for next Sunday! I've studied the course map and I am familiar with much of the route. My race plan is the following:

1. Treat the race as more of a training run. After all, my goal pace is most runners' training run pace. Likewise, when I've run 5ks as training runs, I've felt stronger during them and better at the finish.

2. Go out slightly behind the 3:30 marathon pace group. This group will be on pace for a 1:45 half, or 8:01 pace. They likely won't start at that pace and neither will I. I would like to stay behind them to start but have them in plain view for the first mile and a half or so.

3. Upon catching the 3:30 group, I plan to stay with them for miles 1.5 to 5. I should be able to easily settle into their pace and not feel too taxed. The goal is to feel fresh enough to begin to chase down the 3:20 group (1:40 half) around 5-6 miles.

4. I will make a slight move around 5.5 miles. At this point I will have to get in chase mode. Feeling mentally strong is key here. I don't want to be feeling taxed to the max just yet while I chase people down to get with the 3:20 group. It will be helpful to remember how I made huge strides in the Akron Half in 2009 to catch and eventually pass the 3:40 group. I never knew my exact pace then, I just kept going and going, feeling really good. This time around, there is a chance I could feel like crap because my training was not exactly how I had planned it. So this is where being positive will carry me where I need to be. I'll have to remember all the track workouts from last year where I was easily able to hit 7:50s, 7:40s, and sometimes 7:35s. While I didn't get many opportunities to do such workouts this year, I have carried those paces on some runs and if I start out smart, they shouldn't be that hard. There is also the case that I could be feeling shin or ankle pain around these miles. If that happens, I will drop out in an effort to save myself from an even bigger injury. I do not think this will happen but I will admit a part of me is scared. I hope this adrenaline that is building inside will keep me positive and focused from now until then.

5. The plan is to catch the 3:20 group around 10 miles. By then, I may be having a side stitch or two. Or three. It might even happen before then. However, I truly believe if all the pieces come together next Sunday that I can stay with this group and make a move when they continue on and I head towards the half finish. The breakaway point is at 12 miles so I will have a mile to either maintain my pace, slow down, or speed up. The last "workout" I got in before my cross training experiment, I averaged 7:47 solo for four miles, with two miles recovery in between. When I switched gears after the recovery, I felt like I was working, but it was a good working feeling- not struggling but pushing myself to reach a new height. Mentally I struggled a bit but I think if I have people around me to work with that should help tremendously.

6. I hope to finish satisfied, happy, and pain-free-- injury pain free. A little "pushing myself" pain is fine ;)

In all, I am so pumped for this race. This is where I think the patience is a virtue and a blessing in disguise. My cross training has been quality, especially the long bike rides where I have stay strong mentally for two hours plus. I have to remember all the base work I have done leading up to the ankle/shin mishap. I got in quite a bit, including one long run at 1:44- roughly close to what I hope to run. When I get to the line, I'll remember all the runs I did during this ugly winter and soggy spring. I'll remember pool running for sixty minutes while crappy soft rock was playing. I'll remember the hour long swims and the two hour bike rides on a cheap mountain bike. I'll remember lifting, stretching, foam rolling, foot exercises, and icing. I've done a lot of work so far and I hope this race springs me forward to faster times thereafter.

Jumping on the X-Train.

Earlier this week I made the decision to wrap my running up early due to the on-again-off-again ankle pain. The decision ended up being easier than I thought. It actually felt like a burden removed from my shoulders. To save my base fitness that I never really got to use for specific workouts, I am doing the most cross training I have ever done. I've logged 90 minutes in the pool twice this week as well as a 90 minute bike ride outside. I am viewing these cross training workouts as adventures or a trip- such as a bike ride to another city or a swim to a small island. They have been going by quicker than expected and if anything, I'm getting used to being active for 90 minutes at a time. I've also incorporated pool running and the elliptical, both which have improved since last year.

Part of me is nervous that I won't be as fit as I wanted to be for the Cleveland Half on May 15th. Yet at the same time, I feel much stronger during my swims and bike rides. I think it will be most important for me to be mentally strong come race day. I've put in the most work that I've ever done for all activities so I have that going for me. I'm hopeful that I will have a pain-free race that is mentally strong. Whatever time that results in, I will be happy. Because of the little ankle mishap, I don't expect as fast as a time that I originally wanted to run (1:38-1:41). But since I haven't done many workouts, I wouldn't put it past my body to surprise me considering the strong base I've built. I'm definitely going in blind so this will be a nice experimental race to see how well cross training holds one's fitness.

Nonetheless, it will be a stepping stone to faster times. I'm proud of the work I've done since December. I hope to get 100% healthy after the race and then begin to utilize the base I created for my next racing adventure!

Flexibility is not just the 'bility to touch your toes.

In the field of counseling, I am continually taught that being flexible is a desirable trait to have. Whether one is a flexible counselor or client, it is arguably the most sought after goal of many. I think in my field, I'm pretty flexible- quick thinking, open-minded, and always expecting change. But in my running, I tend to become inflexible. And this inflexibility often leads to injury.

At the beginning of this week, I felt recovered from my down week. I had the goal of hitting 40 miles until I noticed some recurrent ankle/shin disturbance 6.5 miles into my 8 mile run on Monday. The next day was an easy 3 mile recovery run I ran slow and likewise, felt no pain. Although I did feel awkward and hesitant, like there was too much baby-ing going on. Wednesday, I woke up and did my first run on an empty stomach to simulate carb depletion. It was actually fine 4 miles in but on the last mile, the ankle pain came back. This was probably the worst it had felt and left me with a frustration that wanted to quit running for good because all I ever deal with is injury. The rest of that day sucked so I just attributed it to the nonseasonal weather we've been having.

On Thursday morning, I vowed to myself to be more flexible. I opened up to the idea of cross training on my easy run days in order to recover from all the pounding that my body can't seem to handle. I planned to swim but forgot my goggles and swim cap at home. Instead of going back to get them, I headed to Hudson to meet James for an easy run. The difference was that I experimented with an Ibuprofen. And low and behold, I had a pain-free night run. I could've ran today but instead, I saw last night as a freebie before a real injury hits again. So, I swam for sixty minutes (what I would've run) and spent some time in the weight room.

There is still a part of me that feels inadequate for not running higher mileage. But at the same time, there's another part of me that realizes I'm not training at such a high level yet or running incredibly fast times that cross training might actually help my training, rather than hurt it. As of today, I consider myself more flexible. I have to make sure to listen to my body more. The original plan called for running seven days a week in order to spread out my daily mileage as a way to avoid overload. However, my body was upset it couldn't swim anymore. Thankfully, the experience this week opened my eyes up to many different training options. I want to be able to have a successful race experience in three weeks, where my running feels smooth and effortless. Being open to different options can bring me closer to that goal than merely putting in 40 miles a week, especially if I'm crawling by the end of those weeks. For my upcoming half marathon and subsequent long term goals, the long run is the most important workout of each week. While it's probably not smart to do a long run this week, if I cross train properly in the next couple of days, I'll be able to achieve better long runs in the future. Likewise, I'll be on my way to better fitness and hopefully more miles.