Ran the Sand Run section of the Akron Marathon today, without knowing it was the route. And well, running the sand path and not in the road like you do in the race. It was not too challenging of a run but that's with fresh legs. I can see how it would suck, and well, I kind of remember it sucking when I did the damn thing in 2004. However, at that point in the race I was so out of it that most of route has seemed to slip my mind.
Ever since I got back into training and began going to counseling this summer, I have become more aware. I was able to acknowledge that much of my anxiety in everyday life affected my running for the past ten years. I was afraid to go fast for fear of pain that would ultimately lead to me passing out or dying. Yes, crazy, but part of the reason I went to counseling was to conquer my existential fear of death. It is still a work in progress but slowly becoming aware of when this fear occurs and releasing it removes a huge weight from my shoulders. I feel so free, and in running, free enough to push myself beyond what I am used to. This notion gets me excited.
I look forward to the hard workouts. And then when I reach those excruciating points in the challenging workouts, I think to myself, "Well, this is what you asked for. This is what you've been craving. Feel it, experience it, and push through it!" In running and in life, not all feelings are going to be good but it's important to experience them all. Besides, if I were to die, I wouldn't mind it happening while doing something I absolutely love.
And I wouldn't have been able to say that four months ago :)
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